Rise: Hope and Healing Podcast

You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17)

You Are Not Your Partner's Mother, Sponsor, or Dumping Ground: Boundaries and Trusting Your Gut with Rhyll Croshaw (Rise Season 2, Episode 17)
In this powerful episode of Rise: Hope and Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined by Rhyll Croshaw, a pioneer in betrayal trauma recovery, author of "What Can I Do About Me?",and co-founder of the SA Lifeline Foundation and SAL12step.org. 
Rhyll brings decades of lived experience, professional insight, and grounded wisdom to a conversation that speaks directly to one of the most confusing and painful parts of recovery after betrayal:How do I hold boundaries and learn to trust myself again when I’ve been conditioned to doubt my gut?
In this episode, Rhyll shares her story of 53 years of marriage and insights learned from 32 years of betrayal trauma recovery work, including: what happens when betrayed partners find themselves over-functioning in relationships—becoming the emotional regulator, caretaker, or unintended “dumping ground” for their partner’s emotions, recovery work, or instability.
At the heart of this conversation is a powerful truth:
You are not your partner’s mother.You are not their sponsor.You are not their emotional dumping ground.
And learning this boundary distinction is a critical part of healing.
In This Episode, We Explore:
Why betrayed partners often lose trust in their own intuition and gut instincts
How external voices (partner, sponsor, family, culture) can override internal knowing
The emotional cost of becoming the “dumping ground” in a relationship
Why boundaries are not rejection—they are role clarification
The difference between supporting someone and over-functioning for them
What it means to practice compassionate detaching
How to recognize when you are carrying emotions that are not yours to hold
Why trusting your gut is a recovery skill, not an automatic ability
Key Takeaways:
Your gut is not broken—it has been drowned out by survival and confusion
Boundaries are about identity, roles, and emotional safety
You cannot be someone’s partner, parent, and sponsor all at once
Compassion does not require emotional over-responsibility
Healing includes learning to say: “This is not mine to carry.”
Powerful Themes in This Episode:
Trusting Your GutAfter betrayal, intuition often becomes clouded by fear, doubt, and conflicting messages. Relearning to listen to yourself is central to recovery.
Boundaries as Role ClarityBoundaries are not punishment or withdrawal—they define what is and is not yours to hold in a relationship.
Compassionate DetachingDetaching does not mean abandoning love. It means staying connected to yourself while releasing responsibility for what belongs to another adult.
Emotional Over-ResponsibilityMany betrayed partners unconsciously become emotional caretakers for their spouse’s recovery or regulation—at great personal cost.
Memorable Quotes & Concepts:
“You are not your partner’s sponsor, mother, or dumping ground.”
“Boundaries aren’t rejection—they’re role correction.”
“Your gut still speaks, but too many voices have been louder than it.”
“Detaching with compassion means I care—but I don’t carry what isn’t mine.”
Hope & Healing Reminder:
Recovery is not just about understanding betrayal—it is about reclaiming yourself.
Learning to trust your gut, hold boundaries, and step out of over-responsibility is not selfish. It is foundational to healing, clarity, and emotional safety.
Resources & References:
What Can I Do About Me? by Rhyll Croshaw
Dopamine Nation by Anna Lembke
SA Lifeline Foundationhttps://salifeline.org
SAL 12 Stephttps://sal12step.org
The Recovery Puzzle 
Recovery Circles Model
Rise online companion course 
Boundary Basics online course
Human Intimacy online courses - communication, relationships, The Intimacy Repair Method
GABIS - the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey - Contribute to our Resarch! 
Share This Episode
If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who may be:
second-guessing their intuition
carrying emotional responsibility that isn’t theirs
learning to set or hold boundaries after betrayal

Holding Boundaries Through Discomfort: Emotions, Pushback and Staying Grounded with Dr. Skinner (Rise Season 2, Episode 16)

Holding Boundaries In Discomfort: Emotions, Pushback and Staying Grounded with Dr. Skinner (Rise Season 2, Episode 16)
In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Dr. Kevin Skinner LMFT, CSAT, CPTT to continue the powerful conversation on boundaries—this time focusing on what happens after you set one.
Because the truth is… setting a boundary is only the beginning.
What happens when your partner pushes back?When fear floods in?When you’re not even sure you can follow through?
This episode steps into the emotional reality of holding boundaries—the discomfort, the fear, and the growth required to stay grounded in your values.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why boundaries must be rooted in your personal values (your “why”)
The role of homeostasis—and why change in relationships feels so hard
The difference between rigid vs. flexible boundaries
Why you are allowed to change your mind as you learn and grow
What it really means to follow through on a boundary
How to handle pushback, resistance, or defensiveness
The impact of shame filters in the betraying partner
Why boundaries often trigger fear of loss and abandonment
The importance of differentiation—holding onto yourself in the relationship
How to stay grounded when you feel triggered, anxious, or dysregulated
Key Takeaways:
Boundaries are not about control—they are about self-alignment and safety
If a boundary isn’t connected to your values, it will be difficult to maintain
You don’t have to get it perfect—you need to stay aware and adaptable
Discomfort is not a sign you’re doing it wrong—it’s often a sign of growth
You can be both shaky and strong at the same time
Emotional Reality Check:
Holding boundaries may bring up:
Fear (“Will this end my relationship?”)
Anxiety (“What if I can’t follow through?”)
Confusion (“Am I doing this right?”)
Grief (loss of identity, loss of what was)
This is normal.
You are learning a new way of being—like writing with your non-dominant hand.
🛠️ Practical Tools Shared:
Define your boundary by asking: “What is my why?”
Communicate clearly:“If X happens, I will respond by doing Y.”
Prepare for resistance—it doesn’t mean the boundary is wrong
Regulate yourself before having the conversation
Build support systems (friends, therapists, safe people)
Give yourself permission to adjust as you learn
Final Thought:
Boundaries are only as strong as the work you’ve done within yourself.
And even when it feels uncomfortable, uncertain, or scary—you are allowed to take up space, have needs, and honor them.
🔗 Resources Mentioned:
Dr. Kevin Skinner’s work on rebuilding after betrayal
Rebuild Your Relationship After Sexual Betrayal
Boundary Course at Human Intimacy: https://www.humanintimacy.com/link/9yNi7c?url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.humanintimacy.com%2Fcourse%3Fcourseid%3Dboundary-basics
www.youtube.com/human-intimacy
Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale
 Like and Share the Podcast
If this episode resonated with you, please help us reach others who may need support by liking and sharing it. You never know who needs to hear that they’re not alone.

Slow Down, Don’t Torch It Down: Why Attachment Makes Boundaries Feel So Threatening with Dr. Karen Strange (Rise Season 2, Episode 15)

Slow Down, Don’t Torch It Down: Why Attachment Makes Boundaries Feel So Threatening
If boundaries feel overwhelming, confusing, or even dangerous to your relationships—this episode is for you.
In this conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT, slow things down to explore why boundaries are so hard, especially in the context of attachment. This isn’t about “just set a boundary.” It’s about understanding the deep, often invisible forces—attachment styles and wounds, fears of loss, early modeling, and unmet needs—that can cause boundaries feel like a threat instead of a healthy tool.
Drawing from Robert Frost's Mending Wall, insights from The Betrayal Bind, and foundational principles in Boundaries, this episode reframes boundaries as something deeply relational—not rejecting.
Because when boundaries feel like they might cost you connection… of course you hesitate. Check out our ttransformative course Boundary Basics online course- designed to help you understand, define and create healthy boundaries for all of your relationships at: https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics. 
What This Episode Explores
The meaning behind “good fences make good neighbors” from Mending Wall—and why boundaries aren’t about keeping people out, but defining space with clarity and care
Why boundaries can feel like risking the relationship instead of protecting it
The very real fear of losing attachment, approval, and connection
How family of origin (FOO) modeling shapes your ability to set boundaries
How abuse and emotional neglect can create “collapsed” or unclear boundaries
Why humans are wired to seek approval and belonging—and how that complicates boundaries
How attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, secure) influence:
your ability to set boundaries
your reaction when others set them
The internal experience of “I don’t even know what I need”
Why confusion is a normal part of boundary work
The difference between external rules vs. authentic, internal empowerment
Why boundaries must be personalized to be sustainable (a core principle echoed in Boundaries)
The fluid nature of boundaries—they can evolve as you heal
A foundational truth emphasized throughout: Betrayal is a boundary violation. Period.
How The Betrayal Bind helps frame boundaries as protective and adjustable, not all-or-nothing
What we can learn from early childhood development (even at age 3) about having a voice without fear of punishment or loss
Why many adults still struggle to say “no” without fear of losing love
The pattern of “waffling” on boundaries and what’s underneath it
How to de-personalize your partner’s reactions to your boundaries
Why your partner’s protest is often not about you
The role of shame in resisting or reacting to boundaries
How addiction and trauma can lead to arrested emotional development
Why boundaries actually help us become more relational—not less
Key Takeaways
Boundaries feel hard because they are tied to attachment, safety, and survival
If you didn’t see healthy boundaries modeled, you’re likely learning a new language
Not knowing what you need is not failure—it’s part of the healing process
Boundaries are not about punishment—they are about protection and clarity
You may “waffle” as you learn—this is normal, not a setback
Other people’s reactions to your boundaries often reflect their own limitations, shame, or lack of tools
As shame decreases, boundaries become less threatening and more collaborative
Like the rebuilding of the wall in Mending Wall, boundaries are something we maintain and revisit over time
Healthy boundaries don’t destroy relationships—they create the conditions for real connection
Reflection Questions
When I think about setting a boundary, what am I afraid might happen?
Do I associate boundaries with loss of connection or safety?
Where did I learn (or not learn) how to have boundaries?
What do I actually need right now—and can I sit with that question without rushing the answer?
Am I reacting to someone else’s boundary as if it’s about me?
 Closing Encouragement
If you feel the urge to “torch it down”—to react, shut down, or avoid—pause.
Slow down.
There’s likely a deeper fear underneath… one tied to connection, safety, and being seen.
As both The Betrayal Bind and Boundaries reinforce, boundaries are not about pushing people away—they are about defining what allows relationship to be safe and sustainable.
Boundaries aren’t here to take connection away.They’re here to help you finally experience it in a healthier way.
Resources
GABIS https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale
Boundary Basics https://www.humanintimacy.com/course/boundary-basics
The Betrayal Bind - Michelle Mays
Boundaries - Drs. Henry Cloud and Townsend
Explore guided support and boundary tools: humanintimacy.com

Boundaries, Bottom Lines and Triggers: What you Need to Know After Betrayal with Kris Cristiano (Rise Season 2, Episode 14)

Episode Summary
What are boundaries—really? And why do they feel so hard to get right after betrayal?
In this episode, Rise hostess MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT sits  down with Kristin Kristiano, LCSW, CSAT to unpack the confusion around boundaries—what they are, what they’re not, and why so many attempts at “setting boundaries” actually create more disconnection.
We explore the critical shift from trying to control someone else to creating safety within yourself, how to identify your bottom lines, and what it looks like to hold boundaries when you’re triggered.
This conversation brings clarity, validation, and a grounded path forward for anyone navigating betrayal trauma.
In This Episode they Address:
What boundaries actually are (and what they’re not)
The difference between requests vs. boundaries
Boundaries and child development
Differences between prescriptive vs. adaptive boundaries
Why control leads to resistance in relationships
How to shift from controlling behaviors → self-protection
Understanding bottom lines and non-negotiables
When a relationship may no longer feel safe to continue
The difference between being triggered vs. something being wrong
How to regulate before responding
Rebuilding self-trust by listening to your body
Key Takeaway
Boundaries are not about changing someone else—they are about creating safety for yourself and learning to trust your own voice again.
Listener Invitation
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who may need support in their healing journey.
Check us out @youtube.com/human-intimacy
Follow Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal for more conversations that help you rebuild trust, reclaim your voice, and find healing after betrayal.
Remember: Self-trust is rebuilt by listening inward, not controlling outward

Boundaries 101: From Chaos to Clarity with Jennifer Johnson (Rise Season 2, Episode 13)

Stepping into one of the most requested—and misunderstood—topics: Boundaries, in this episode, Jennifer Johnson CMHC, CSAT, CPTT and MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT break down what boundaries actually are, what they aren’t, and why they can feel so difficult—especially after betrayal.
What Boundaries Are (And Aren’t)
What Boundaries Are Not
Punishment
Control
Ultimatums
What Boundaries Actually Are
Boundaries are about creating emotional safety for you.
It’s not about controlling them—it’s about taking care of you.
Boundaries vs. Rules
Rules Focus on Them
“You need to stop…”“You have to…”
Boundaries Focus on You
“If this happens, this is what I will do.”
This shift moves you from:
Powerless → Empowered
Reactive → Grounded
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard
Common Trauma Responses
After betrayal, it’s normal to:
Feel frozen or powerless
Swing from no boundaries → extreme boundaries
Confuse control with safety
These are trauma responses—not failures.
The “All or Nothing” Trap
What Many People Assume
Boundaries only look like:
Separation
Sleeping apart
Divorce
What Boundaries Can Actually Look Like
Taking space
Going for a walk
Pausing before responding
Reaching out for support
Boundaries create safety—not punishment or forced distance.
The Key to Boundaries That Hold: Your “Why”
Without a Why
Boundaries feel inconsistent
You second-guess yourself
They often collapse
With a Clear Why
You feel grounded
You stay consistent
Communication becomes more effective
Understanding:
What triggered you
Why it matters
What you need
…creates sustainable boundaries.
Boundaries Are Internal Work
What Boundaries Really Do
Reclaim your voice
Clarify your needs
Restore a sense of control
After betrayal, boundaries become a way to say:
“I choose how I take care of me.”
If Boundaries Feel Hard
A Gentle Reminder
This is normal
This is a process
You don’t have to do it perfectly
Boundaries can feel especially difficult when you still want:
Connection
Safety
Repair
You’re not doing it wrong—you’re learning something new.
What’s Coming Next
This episode begins a deeper series on:
Bottom Lines and Safety vs. Punitive Control
Boundaries Abandonment and Attachment 
Holding Boundaries when the Other Person Pushes Back
When Boundaries Lead to Relationship Change
Share & Connect
If this episode helped you:
Share it with someone who needs support
Leave a review
Watch on our Human Intimacy YouTube channel
Our goal is to help as many people as possible find hope, clarity, and healing.

The Data of Devastation: Early Insights from the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (Rise Season 2, Episode 12)

The Data of Devastation: Early Insights from the GABIS
In this solo episode, betrayal trauma expert and host MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT,
 shares early findings from the Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (GABIS)—drawing directly from the voices and lived experiences of listeners in this community.
This is the data of devastation.
Not just numbers—but real accounts of grief, identity loss, and the unraveling of reality after sexual betrayal.
Because research in this area is limited, these listener-informed insights offer a rare and powerful look at what betrayal trauma actually takes—from a person’s sense of self, safety, and connection.
Be sure to check out this episode @youtube.com/Human-Intimacy to view the data charts and slides.
What You’ll Hear in This Episode
MaryAnn walks through key early insights from survey responses, including:
Why staggered disclosure is more common—and more damaging—than most people realize
The reality that many betrayed partners are left to discover the truth on their own
The sharp drop in identity and self-trust after betrayal
The most common and painful forms of grief reported by listeners
Why so many people are suffering in silence
Where support is helping—and where it’s falling short
The often-overlooked physical and health impacts of betrayal trauma
One of the Most Striking Patterns
Across responses, one theme rose above the rest:
Loss.
Not just loss of a relationship—but loss of:
identity
safety
trust
reality
and the future that once felt certain
As one listener shared:
“It’s the decades of never being truly known… the invisibility.”
Why This Conversation Matters
Grief after betrayal is often misunderstood—or missed entirely.
This episode brings language to that experience, helping listeners recognize:
This is grief
This is trauma
And this response makes sense
Listen If You’re…
Trying to make sense of your emotional response after betrayal
Feeling like you’ve “lost yourself”
Wondering why this feels so much bigger than just the betrayal
Looking for validation, language, and understanding
Explore the Full Data
This episode highlights key findings—but there is more to the story.
Watch the full podcast with visuals: YouTube.com/human-intimacy
Contribute your experience to the ongoing survey https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/Grief-scale
Access the full presentation from the Human Intimacy Conference 
A Final Word
If this episode resonates with you:
You are not overreacting.You are not alone.
What you’re experiencing is real—and it deserves care, support, and understanding.
If this episode helped you, consider sharing it.Someone else may need to hear that they’re not alone in this.
And as always—take care of yourself.
 

Why Betrayal Gets Worse After Discovery (What No One Tells You) with Darrell Brazell (Rise Season 2, Episode 11)

Why Betrayal Gets Worse After Discovery (What No One Tells You)
What actually happens after betrayal is discovered?
In this episode of Rise: Hope & Healing After Sexual Betrayal, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, and expert Pastor Darrell Brazell, PSAP, unpack the exposure phase (D-Day) using Dr. Omar Minwalla’s 22 Rooms of Betrayal framework.
They discuss why many partners experience increased confusion, trauma, and emotional harm after discovery, not less—and how integrity abuse behaviors play a central role and can intensify during this time. 
 
This episode includes discussion of sexual betrayal, deception, intentional abuse behaiors and betrayal trauma, which may be activating for some listeners—especially those early in their healing journey. Please listen gently and take care of yourself as you go. You’re encouraged to pause, take breaks, or return at another time if needed. You are always in control of how and when you engage with this content.
 
What’s Discussed
This conversation walks through common dynamics that emerge after discovery, including patterns like gaslighting, minimization, blame-shifting, and ongoing deception. It also highlights the painful mismatch many couples experience—where one partner is just beginning to process the truth while the other may already be in a very different place emotionally.
The episode also touches on staggered disclosure (or “trickle truth”) and why it can be especially damaging, as well as the continued patterns that often show up even after recovery has begun.
Recovery Realities
MaryAnn and Darrell discuss why healing doesn’t end with discovery or even disclosure. Trust remains fragile, trauma responses can persist, and harmful patterns may continue without intentional change. The conversation emphasizes that healing takes time, and there is no quick or linear path forward.
Closing Perspective
For many betrayed partners, discovery can bring both pain and clarity—helping make sense of things that never quite added up before. This episode offers language and insight into these experiences, reminding listeners that what they’re feeling is valid and that they are not alone.
Key Takeaways
Betrayal trauma is complex and long-lasting
Integrity abuse behaviors often intensify after discovery
Staggered disclosure significantly increases trauma
Healing requires consistent accountability, not quick fixes
Safety and trust are rebuilt slowly over time
Resources
Human Intimacy Companion Course: humanintimacy.com
IAB Resource List
Dr. Omar Minwalla’s “22 Rooms of Betrayal” resources
The Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (GABIS) survey
Listener Support
If this episode resonates with you:
Share it with someone who may feel alone
Follow the podcast for ongoing support
Reach out for professional or community care
 
Primary Keywords:betrayal trauma, sexual betrayal recovery, integrity abuse, gaslighting in relationships, D-Day discovery, partner betrayal healing, disclosure trauma, emotional abuse patterns, relationship recovery after infidelity, Dr. Omar Minwalla, 

Grieving Lost Reality:Gaslighting, Abuse, and Intentional Deception with Darrell Brazell (Rise Season 2, Episode 10)

In this powerful continuation of last week’s conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT is joined again by Pastor Daryl Brazell, PSAP  where they unpack the deeper dynamics of deception in sexual betrayal, based on Darrell's work with Dr. Omar Minwalla. 
Together they expand on Minwalla's secret sexual basement metaphor, explore how secrecy, shame, and manipulation create an “intentionally manipulated reality”—a gaslighting dynamic that can leave partners questioning their instincts, their memories, and even their connection to their own intuition.
Daryl shares a visual model originally developed by Dr. Omar Minwalla, which illustrates the painful forced choice many betrayed partners experience: believing their partner’s words or trusting what their body and gut already know.
The conversation also introduces the concept of Integrity Abuse Behaviors—patterns of deception and manipulation that maintain the secret sexual life at the expense of the partner’s emotional and psychological safety.
Listeners will hear:
How gaslighting and manipulated reality erode a partner’s trust in their own instincts
The “Zero Factor”: how toxic shame and hidden secrets undermine intimacy and connection
Why betrayed partners often feel trapped between their gut intuition and attachment bond
The three phases of deceptive sexuality as identified by Dr. Omar Minwalla
Covert Phase – when the secret life is hidden
Exposure Phase – discovery and disclosure
Symptom Progression Phase – the long aftermath after discovery
Common Integrity Abuse behaviors such as lying by omission, blame shifting, manipulation, and withholding critical information
Why many betrayed partners feel isolated, confused, and unsure who or what to trust
How naming and understanding these patterns helps begin the grief and healing process
MayAnn also discusses why grief is an essential part of recovery. When we finally have language for what happened, the brain can begin integrating the emotional experience with a coherent story—allowing healing to begin.
If this conversation brings up strong emotions, we encourage you to pause, journal, or reach out to a trusted support person. Naming these experiences can be painful—but it is also an important step toward reclaiming clarity and healing.
Resources Mentioned
The Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (GABIS) survey
Human Intimacy Conference recordings available at HumanIntimacy.com
Integrity Abuse Behavior lists and recovery resources referenced by Pastor Brazell
Share the Podcast
If this episode resonates with you, please consider sharing it with someone who may need support on their healing journey. No one should have to navigate betrayal trauma alone.

The Hidden Damage of Betrayal: The Secret Sexual Basement & the Grief We Don’t See with Pastor Darrell Brazell (Rise Season 2, Episode 9)

The Hidden Damage of Betrayal: The Secret Sexual Basement & the Grief We Don’t See with Darrell Brazell, PSAP (Rise Season 2, Episode 9)
Show Notes
In this powerful conversation, MaryAnn Michaelis LCSW, CSAT, CPTT, welcomes pastor, recovery leader, and longtime colleague Darrel Brazell PSAP, to explore one of the most validating frameworks for understanding betrayal trauma: Dr. Omar Minwalla’s “Secret Sexual Basement.”
Many betrayed partners sense that something is wrong long before the truth is revealed. They smell the “toxic fumes,” feel the disconnection, and question their own instincts—often because years of gaslighting have forced them to doubt what their body and intuition already know.
In this episode, MaryAnn and Darrel unpack why betrayal trauma creates such profound grief—and why that grief often extends far beyond the behaviors themselves.
Together they explore how deception erodes trust not only in a partner, but in one’s own gut, voice, health, identity, and even faith.
If you’ve ever wondered why betrayal feels so disorienting and devastating, this conversation will help put words to experiences many partners struggle to explain.
In This Episode
The Secret Sexual Basement metaphorHow hidden sexual behavior creates a toxic relational environment long before discovery.
 Intentionally Manipulated Reality (IMR)Why gaslighting forces partners into an impossible “lose–lose” decision between trusting their gut or trusting their partner.
 The “Second Brain” InjuryHow chronic deception damages the gut-brain connection and leads many partners to lose trust in their own instincts.
 Betrayal Blindness and Self-AbandonmentWhy partners often suppress what they know internally in order to maintain attachment and emotional survival.
 The physical toll of betrayal traumaHow chronic stress, suppression of emotions, and relational trauma may contribute to health issues.
 Faith and spiritual wounding after betrayalWhy many partners experience deep spiritual grief when betrayal intersects with faith, marriage covenants, and religious communities.
 Why grief work is essential for healingDarrel shares a powerful truth: those who heal well are often those who learn to grieve well.
Resources Mentioned
Grief After Betrayal Impact Scale (Survey) If you haven’t yet taken the survey, you can access the updated working link in the show notes. Your participation helps expand research on the real impacts of betrayal trauma.
Human Intimacy Conference📅 March 13–14Join clinicians with over 200 years of combined experience working with individuals struggling with sexual addiction and betrayal trauma.Use promo code 30OFF for 30% off registration.
Take Care of Yourself
This episode discusses heavy topics including trauma, gaslighting, and spiritual wounds. If this conversation stirred something inside you, consider taking a moment to care for yourself:
Drink some water Step outside, breathe deeply, take a short walkReach out for connection
Healing after betrayal is possible—and you don’t have to walk the path alone.
If this episode helped you, please:
Follow the podcast
Share it with someone who may need it
Subscribe and like on YouTube to help more partners find these resources
Together, we can continue bringing hope, validation, and healing to those navigating life after sexual betrayal.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Grief, Choice and Healing After Sexual Betrayal with Dr. Karen Strange (Rise Season 2, Episode 8)

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Grief, Choice, and Healing After Sexual Betrayal with Dr. Karen Strange
Host: MaryAnn Michaelis, LCSW, CSAT, CPTT Guest: Dr. Karen Strange, LMFT, CSAT, CPTT
MaryAnn welcomes Dr. Strange back to conclude the grief and loss series, focusing on the deeply personal and complex decision many betrayed partners face: Should I stay or should I go?, offering validation, practical guidance, and reassurance that healing is nonlinear — and that hope grows when individuals reclaim choice, safety, and support.
The episode also includes a link to a recording of the Human Intimacy Pre-Conference Q&A with Dr. Kevin Skinner, Michelle Mays, Darrell Brazell, Dr. Strange and MaryAnn as they field questions from viewers, an invitation to participate in a grief-and-loss survey addressing the limited research in this area and a preview of the upcoming Human Intimacy Conference (March 13–14, 2026).
Topics Covered
The “Stay or Go” Decision
Why this question feels urgent after betrayal
The importance of slowing down before making permanent decisions
Exceptions when immediate safety (e.g., domestic violence) requires swift action
Nervous System Regulation
Shock, rage, confusion, and disorientation as normal trauma responses
Regulating the nervous system to support rational, grounded decision-making
The Power of Choice
Reclaiming agency after betrayal
The right to choose — and the right to change your mind
Empowerment through informed, intentional decisions
Betrayal Grief vs. Death Grief
The complexity of grieving someone who is still alive
Ongoing relational ambiguity
How unresolved betrayal grief can resurface after divorce or remarriage
The Importance of Witnessing
Why grief needs compassionate support
The healing power of peer connection
The scarcity of structured resources for betrayal grief
Research on Betrayed Men
Dr. Strange’s doctoral research interviewing 11 betrayed men
The lack of research and support specifically for men
The value of creating space for underrepresented voices
Sexual Reintegration
Barriers couples face when attempting to rebuild intimacy
Emotional, relational, and trauma-related obstacles
Hope for renewed connection when healing work is intentional
Grief Exercise: Expectations vs. Reality
Identifying the gap between what was hoped for and what occurred
Naming losses clearly and concretely
Reframing hope as agency — having plans, options, and forward movement
 
ResourcesHuman Intimacy Conference Pre-Session Q&A 2/26/26
2nd Annual Online Human Intimacy ConferenceGrief After Betrayal Impact Scale
Men's Betrayal Group - send email to info@humanintimacy.com